Post Valentines Ramblings

Happy Belated Valentines' Day!

I hope everyone had a great day celebrating love. I woke up to a few text messages of non-crazy love wishes, which made my day. All day long, love was in the air, I saw roses and chocolates and teddy bears being delivered and it warmed my little grinch heart. But my favorite part of the day was during work while I was stressed out trying to manage all my difficult clients, I received a Valentine's Day e-card from a dear friend....and it is my all-time favorite card, ever!

After I called it quits on my stressful work day, I met up with a friend and had some drinks while we discussed Valentine's ghosts of past, present and future. And then we topped it off with my current situation with a possible future psycho in the brewing. I think I should nip it in the bud now (but then again I never learn my lesson), when all of a sudden I laid my eyes on what could be my future ex-boyfriend. Oh boy was he delicious! To quote Vince Vaughn, "he just eye-fucked the shit out of me!" Note to self: go back to that bar and get his status.

I eventually stumbled home and contemplated breaking out the rabbit but I fell asleep before I can finish my thought - boo. So that was my day this year....all in all a pretty good Valentine's Day. Much better than the time when I waited all night for my boyfriend to come home but instead he was busy screwing my best friend. But that's another story and I would have to dig up the old police report for fact-checking.

SEX DIARIES - NY MAG

Oh and I have to introduce you to my favorite new ramblings from NY Magazine, entitled simply "Sex Diaries." If you haven't checked it out yet, I strongly advise it, it sure puts a huge smile on my face! I can especially relate to their recent posting which includes:

- 10 p.m.: Contemplate masturbating, pass out before I can summon the strength to find my vibrator.

- 2:46 p.m.: Potential BF and I emerge from bedroom after hour-long sex. Love the fact that he doesn't seem to need/want anal.

and my favorite:

-6:48 p.m.: Vent to best friend, agree to refrain from taking his calls. Fall asleep remembering the way he could flip me across the bed with one hand.


You can read the full story here:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/02/the_multiorgasmic_woman_testdr.html#more


Hope Everyone got some Hot Piece of Ass!!

Two For One Special

A lot of my friends still talk to their exes and are all still friendly with them, this to me is a foreign concept considering the fact that almost all of my exes are crazier than any of Britney's personalities. But then there are also the general idiots that while they are not crazy - they remain an "ex" for a reason and there is no reason to ever contact them.

One particular ex attained both special qualities of being an idiot and a psycho - I got the two for one special that day. That was David and because we dated for a while, we knew each other pretty well and had a great time together. At least until one night when he started hitting on a good friend of mine and asked her for her number....while in my home, and in my presence! Such a fucking idiot. So after everyone left that night, David stayed behind and expected to have sex. Umm....are you fucking kidding me?? He actually had the audacity to tell me that he didn't think that I would mind or care. Okay, so maybe he was a little bit more delusional than I thought, that's actually putting it nicely because I called him lots of things that night in many different vocabularies and languages for that matter.

After about six months and many failed attempts, David finally stopped contacting me. But it only lasted a while until I got a couple of 'drunk and dial' messages from him in the middle of the night; he left messages of PORN videos playing in the background. Yup, that's right, PORN with girls screaming in the background either "fuck me now" or just screaming to God and just shouting the general "yes, fuck me harder!"

What is wrong with you?

Okay crazy, take your pills and step away from the porn videos. Get a girlfriend (the kind that doesn't blow up) and move on.

On a scale of one to crazy - he ranked pretty high on my list!