Swingers Encounter

Interesting weekend....and yet a pretty normal NYC saturday night. While trying to pick up the bartender and chatting with my friend (I'm a great multi-tasker), we were approached by an old bald guy. Being open-minded to conversations with any unpretentious jerk in the city, we joined a very amusing conversation. That old bald guy was hilarious, he had us rolling on the floor. After about 20 minutes, he introduced us to his wife who was engaged in a conversation with other people on the other side of the bar. She pulled up a chair and kept the entertainment going.

All was great until my friend got up to use the ladies room, and while she was gone, old bald man put his hand upon my knee, gave it a squeeze...asked me if I had a boyfriend...and gave me a filthy wink. I said no, and he shouted "Damn it" very loud, and then it hit me....I encountered my first Swingers invitation!

I immediately jumped up and ran towards the bathroom, and before I could get there, my friend grabbed me and gave me the same look of shock on her face as I had given her. Then we simultaneously shouted to each other "They're Swingers!!!" - and we ran out of there faster than men run away from commitment!! While we jumped in a cab, she told me that the wife followed her into the bathroom and made a move on her and asked her to come home with them. I'm born and raised in NYC and very little ever shocks me, but this shocked me! I should've known they would be "that couple" they were both unattractive, chubby, aging and exactly the kind of couple you never want to picture naked.

Weird - I've been picked up by lesbians, gay men, transvestites, straight women and once by a one-eyed hobo, but these swingers will always stand out among the rest! Thanks Kate and John for the laughs, but you scared the crap out of me!

Psycho Poet

Ok, so here's Jerry, met him over a year ago at a random party that I crashed with a friend. I will never crash another random party again. No psycho bells and whistles went off so I thought I was in the clear and after a couple of phone calls and emails, we went on one date. It was nice, no sparks, but eventful and pleasant. Worth the free meal. After that date, he called me the next day and he recited a poem that he wrote for me....um, what? Yes, a poem. Now maybe some girls like this kind of retardation but that is the last thing I want to hear. Especially after one date, come on! I won't bore you with the details of this dumb ass 3rd grade poem, but I basically put the phone down and turned on the tv. When it was done, I said "thank you but i gotta go."

I stopped taking his calls or returning his messages, hoping he'd eventually get the message. UNTIL....about 8 months later, he send me a text message...another poem! Now this time, I was on a date, and I couldn't help but show him this dumb text. Mean, yes, but he left himself open for that. Later that night I met up with some girl friends for drinks and showed them all my text. They all agreed, it was CREEEEEEEEPY!

"Seasons grow cold, children grow old, blah, blah, blah...etc"

I'd like to warn any guys out there about their text messages to me, be careful what you type because I will laugh at you with my friends, dates, family, strangers on line at duane reade, starbucks and my co-workers...so be careful with whom you recite dumb-ass lyrics to.

Note to Creepy ass poem guy....step away from the pen and just stick to your day job 'cuz you're freaking out all of the women in NYC!!

Girl Interrupted

I was MIA, getting caught up in work and dumb men, am now drama-free (more or less) and have much to tell. We now bring you back to our regularly scheduled program.


(SIGH) lots of crazy men from the past few months, how did I become such a magnet! For starters, I went out on about 3 dates with a chef who seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. Jerry was very respectful and chivalrous, very gentleman-like. However, there was no heat so I stuck him in the friend zone but he did not like that very much. One day, he called me after he got out of work and of the blue and started talking dirty. That was hot! But it was just a one time thing...or was it. I stopped communicating with him so I never called him. He called me again a few weeks later and we had another sex talk. It lost its luster and I was done with it and with him. I'm beginning to see a new side of him. He continued to text me and email me trying to get me to phone him but I never did. I cut it off once again, stopped taking his calls and never reached out.

SIX months later, he continued calling me, texting me and emailing me. Once, a male friend of mine even got on the phone with him and told him to stop calling me. So sad but, he continued to call and text me and now...ONE YEAR later, he requested me as a friend on facebook....WTF?? Why would I want to be "friends" with a man i dated and hardly know on my private site in which i only disclose and share things with my real, true, dear friends? Jerry, jerry, jerry, you just don't get it.

I AM JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU DUDE!

7 Messages from Jack The Psycho

Remember that scene in the movie Swingers with Jon Favreau leaving ridiculous messages on the girls answering machine? Yea, I totally gave that psycho my number. His name was Jack, and actually we never even went out on a date, I met him at a club and we exchanged numbers. Well, that Monday night I came home to about 7 messages on my machine… all from Jack.

And it started something like this….. “Hi this is Jack, we met on Saturday night and I just wanted to call you and say hi and chat, maybe we can go out for dinner, I know a great place that just opened up and I'd love to take you there. Give me a call and hopefully we can get to know each other.”

2nd Message, about 30 minutes later…. “Hi, it’s Jack again, just checking to see if you’re around, give me a call when you get home, would love to talk to you.”

3rd Message…. “Hi it’s Jack. My friend just came over and we’re cooking some food, I wanted to invite you over for some home cooking, and we can hang out. Okay call me when you get a chance.”

4th Message... “Hi, this is Jack’s friend, Tony, I came over to Jack’s and he’s cooking some dinner and, if you’re around you should come over and join us. Jack is a great guy, you guys should talk. So when you get home, give Jack a call, okay bye.” (with Jack in the background shouting 'call me')

5th message... “Hey, me jack again - my friend left, but if you still want to come over, I have a bottle of wine, umm okay well just call me back.”

6th.... “hey, so I don’t know if you are ignoring me or if you are really busy, but just checking in. ok, call me.”

7th..... “I’m going to bed now and wanted to tell you to ‘go fuck yourself’ and don’t bother calling me!”


Yes girls, all these messages in the course of about 5 hours --- Painful, but true.

WTF - Caller of the Day

I met Peter in a bar a few weeks ago, very brief conversation, he was cute and we exchanged email addresses. And then shortly afterwards, we went on a date. About 5 minutes into our date, I detected a 'red alert' on my 'this guys is crazy' radar. So needless to say, I laughed at his jokes, so that he wouldn't cut my head off and shove me in his trunk, and called it a night - making sure never to call him again . The next week or so, I received about three emails, two texts, two voicemails, and a couple of 'private' numbers on my cell. I just ignored him, as I usually tend to do, until they just get tired and give up.

However, this one went a little bit farther than the usual crazies. I get a phone call this morning - at 5 am- and it's him, Peter. I wanted to tell him off, but I didn't answer it. I later listened to his voicemail and was actually dumbfounded by the clarity of his craziness -- his message was this:

"hi, this is peter, we went out a couple weeks ago and you haven't returned my calls, we had a good time, you giggled...anyway, it's like about 5am and I'm sorry for calling so early, I guess you'll be waking up in an hour or so.....um, just wanted to say that you should have called me back 'cuz you missed out on a really great guy. I met a girl off match and we had sex yesterday, and I didn't think it was appropriate to go out with you again. Just wanted to say you missed out on the 'f*ck' of your life! And...um, have a good start to your week and a great day! And if you ever wanna have a good rock in the hey...well gimme a call sometime 'cuz I'll rock your world! And I know you'll like it -- Ciao"


Okay, WTF??? My radar is always right.

Sooner or later, the crazy just comes out.

(The actual audio will soon be posted and you can all hear it for yourselves!!)