Psycho Poet

Ok, so here's Jerry, met him over a year ago at a random party that I crashed with a friend. I will never crash another random party again. No psycho bells and whistles went off so I thought I was in the clear and after a couple of phone calls and emails, we went on one date. It was nice, no sparks, but eventful and pleasant. Worth the free meal. After that date, he called me the next day and he recited a poem that he wrote for me....um, what? Yes, a poem. Now maybe some girls like this kind of retardation but that is the last thing I want to hear. Especially after one date, come on! I won't bore you with the details of this dumb ass 3rd grade poem, but I basically put the phone down and turned on the tv. When it was done, I said "thank you but i gotta go."

I stopped taking his calls or returning his messages, hoping he'd eventually get the message. UNTIL....about 8 months later, he send me a text message...another poem! Now this time, I was on a date, and I couldn't help but show him this dumb text. Mean, yes, but he left himself open for that. Later that night I met up with some girl friends for drinks and showed them all my text. They all agreed, it was CREEEEEEEEPY!

"Seasons grow cold, children grow old, blah, blah, blah...etc"

I'd like to warn any guys out there about their text messages to me, be careful what you type because I will laugh at you with my friends, dates, family, strangers on line at duane reade, starbucks and my co-workers...so be careful with whom you recite dumb-ass lyrics to.

Note to Creepy ass poem guy....step away from the pen and just stick to your day job 'cuz you're freaking out all of the women in NYC!!

Good Reads and Shirtless Jake Gyllenhall

Just wanted to pass along some good online reads because I hate Mondays and Don't feel like writing anymore press releases:

Some interesting 10 Ten Dating Tips for relationships. I'm not sure if I necessarily agree with them, but then again, I'm not in a relationship. However they are missing one important tip that would no doubt be verrry useful to any couple and that is - how do I do the donkey move on one leg without losing my balance on heels as he is grabbing my hair? I almost dislocated a disc last time! Anyway, check out the boring tips here: Yahoo Dating Tips

In other related sex-position updates, check out Cosmo and their hot archives and see what you've done and what you're missing out on. I didn't know what I did last month was called the Pinwheel and one of my favorite workouts is the Head Game and Couch Canoodle! Funny, they don't have the donkey...hmmm. Well check it out anyway at Cosmo.com

NY Daily news reported last week that some psycho female was beating on her man. LOl. Not that it's right but it takes a secure man to really go to the police and file a domestic violence suit against a woman. She looks like some anorexic model, he can't just tell the bitch to step off and move on? I guess there are some crazy bitches out there too! NY Daily News

Which leads me to my advice for Rhianna - girlfriend, you have the total upper hand in this sitch. I'm sure you have your issues just like everyone else and maybe you like to throw some punches, but you need to step away from the wife-beaters! If I were you, I'd have a massive press conference in the middle of Times Square and layout all the dirt on Brown, Hell, I'd go on Oprah and tell her just what kind of scum bag he is. And then I'd write a book, make some more money, dedicate a whole album to girl beaters and go on tour and call it "Laughing My Way To The Bank Ex-Beater Brown."

On a sweeter note, here's a hot 'N sexy pic of a shirtless jake gyllenhall. mmmmm.

A Rambling Pet Peeve of Mystery

Ok, big lou drives me crazy, and not in the "I can't wait to see him again" kind of way but in the "what is he saying" kind of way. He's extremely huge (in every way possible), bodyguard by night, i could climb him (in every way possible) and great with his hands - has nothing to do with the situation at hand, but I love to describe his zeus-like figure. But we're both busy peeps so we text each other more than we speak. Which is actually the way I like it. Keeps things simple.

Everynow and then he send me a text message during the day saying hello and misses me (with a question mark). And on the weekends, he's up all hours of the night working and texting me around midnight, saying "just wanted to say hi and hope i have a great weekend (with a question mark)" and sometimes he just says "big kisses ?"

OK -- what's with the question marks? If you say hello, end it accordingly, and don't use an irrational question mark. does he not know how to use a period at the end of a sentence? is he drunk and stupid? is he just stupid? Whatever it is, it's driving me crazy and I know it shouldn't bother me, but if you make a statement, end it appropriately. Don't say "hi sweetie ?" that just makes NO sense!

And for the record, I'll still tap that, but I won't be settling down with someone who doesn't know the difference between a period and a question mark!! i'm just saying...