Drama at the Funeral Home

Well, no male psycho stories would be complete without a Gio story. We were together ages ago, for about 3 years...on and off. And it was sweet at first and then it got ugly and then the third time we tried it out again...well, he was a full-fledge psycho. Yea, many stories involve him....but one incident stood out the most. One night he got really pissed off at me because i was going out to a club with my friends...and blah, blah, blah he wound up following me. As the night went on, I saw his face appear through the crowd while I was on the dance floor. No one else saw him and my friends thought i was just drunk. Not the case. Sure enough, we go back to my car, and the window is smashed in. Our purses and wallets and valuables were left in the car, untouched. However a bag with my books were taken. WTF? I didn't understand or know what was going on...but i did see a pack of marlboro cigs that were left in the backseat...i didn't smoke them but i knew who did.

The next day, I received a phone call from the manager of a Funeral home. Yes, Funeral Home. He said that someone dropped off a stack of books on their doorstep that night. He got my number off a note left in a book...I had to go to the Funeral home to pick up my stuff and it was soooo spooky walking in there. I checked out all the pages in the books and I later found the note with my number (not my handwriting) and some creepy words too....well Gio of course denied it forever. Who does that? crazy psycho!

You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but sadly a few months later we tried yet another crazy round. Those stories require a bottle of vodka and some southern comfort, maybe some whiskey....and a shot of tequila...maybe three.

Yup -- sooner or later, the CRAAAAAAZY just comes out and kicks you in the ass!

Loser Complains About Ladies Night

I read this article today and I had to share it with my girls....some loser is crying discrimination and filing a law suit against a couple of night clubs in NYC. He says that "Ladies Nights" are unfair because we get free admission and drinks.....blah, blah, blah.

Do you want some cheese with that whine?!?


I feel bad for whoever ends up with that loser....


read it here...LADIES NIGHT

Actually kinda sweet....

So in going with the spirit of Christmas, I thought I would share with my girls the sweetest Christmas gift I ever got from a boyfriend. Danny was cute and nice, sometimes, and even though we had lots of hurdles in our short-lived path...he did good on xmas. He actually remembered that I had collected a couple of Winnie The Pooh little ceramic chachkis - because I of course love Winnie. He of course, hated Winnie and thought it was retarded and continually made fun of me any chance he could. And one Xmas I got the cutest little Winnie the Pooh gift under my tree. It made me smile and I was happy.

Of course a couple days later he turned back into the asshole that he was, and stopped seeing each other right after the New Year. Oh well, I still have that little thing, maybe I should sell it.

Maybe after the New Year, I'll share the worst gift I ever got....after this joyous Christmas cheer wears off ;)

If Only.....

If only all men looked this good, I think I could easily forgive their stupidity.....wow, I think I need a cigarette....

Ho Ho Ho

Even though I profoundly profess my continued hatred towards men.....I really do love them. I'm a poster child for the "love/hate" relationship. Anyway, words, words, words, let's get down to business. The Holidays are coming, love is all around, time to be merry and spread the Christmas Cheer......so here goes:

Five Reasons why I actually L O V E men:


Number One


Number Two


Number Three


Number Four


Number Five



Holy Hot in Helll......all that I can say.

UUUmm, Are You Kidding?

Okay this story is way overdue, for many reasons.....he followed a previous psycho that i met this summer and ultimately due to my brief hiatus.

I met Richard on my birthday, he bought me a drink and we kept texting each other all night while I was bar hopping. Instant attraction, the typical tall, dark and handsome. After I stumbled into bed at about 5:30am, he sent me the last text message "never got to give you a birthday kiss...let's go out tonight and celebrate your birthday over dinner" So i was drunk but still sober enough to realize a drunken date via text at 5:30 am is not really something I wanted to respond to.

After about two weeks of email exchanges and phone calls...he and his friend met up with me and one of my girlfriends. He went to get a drink, his friend went to the bathroom and some random guy started talking to me and my girlfriend, just friendly chatting and actually he seemed to be interested in my friend. Well after about 30 minutes, I never heard or saw Richard again, until he finally sent me a deranged text message "i saw you talking to another guy, i come out to see you and you start flirting with another guy, so I left."

Okay first of all, are you kidding? And secondly, are you fucking kidding me?

I didn't respond and kept on with my night until he met me outside with some guy who walked me to a cab and started an argument and caused the biggest scene. Psycho Richard finally leaves, and then this stupid idiot who walked me to my cab hopped in and insisted we go back to his place! WTF? Who are you again??? The cab driver eventually had to come over and pull this guy out of the cab.

There may have been a full moon out that night, but it's the only explanation for two psychos in one night.

Men really do suck :P

Son of a Bitch....

He was smart, funny, intelligent, great sense of humor, wonderful smile and warm heart with a perfect personality......and an amazing kisser. He kind of rebuilt my faith in men all over again...at least for the night. And then I find out that he has a girlfriend, or two. (sigh)

WTF!

seriously....men suck.

A Few Reasons Why Men Suck...

Okay most Men just suck at life and I'll tell you three reasons why:

1. They are very dumb.

2. They only think with their penis.

3. They think they can just call you in the middle of the night and leave perverted messages on your voicemail thinking that you will wake up for a useless quickie that was soooo not worth getting out of your warm cozy bed.

listen dumb ass, if a girl doesn't answer your numerous and annoying calls in the middle of the night, there is a reason - Get over it and move on.

Then His Wife Called Me…..

Yea, so John was fun and very cool, he didn’t require a lot of attention and was not put off by my busy schedule – I should have known there was a reason for that. We only dated for about 5 weeks and we spoke once a week and hung out only once a week, it was the perfect situation, and he was a riot to hang out with. Never a dull moment. Things were perfect – that was, until his wife called me yelling and screaming. I honestly had no idea, and once we started talking, she calmed down and I told her exactly where to find her husband on Saturday night, at a restaurant in soho, waiting for me….I’m only sorry that I wasn’t there to see the look on his sorry little face.

Well, he wasn’t crazy – but he was a married dog who should be castrated. The crazy part is that it wasn’t the first time I got a call from someone’s wife --- Seriously this is why I hate men!

Wish I Could Take It Back

I'm sure that we've all had one or two regrets in our love lives... (well I may have more than average) but one in particular sticks out and I really, really, really wish I could take it back. It was my second date with Ed and I got really wasted and made the mistake of going back to my place. It was so terrible, it was really awkward, very quick, and he was so small. What a buzz kill. I immediately told him I had to get up early and kicked him out. Thought I would never hear from him again.

Unfortunately he had the audacity to call the very next night - over and over again. I ignored his calls but the idiot turned crazy quick, and he kept calling every 30 minutes. I had to turn my phone off after he left about 6 messages.

The minute I turned my phone back on, Ed called again. Typical psycho. I picked up and asked him what his problem was....he said in a very crazy voice "Where the fuck were you all night?" "I wanted to come over and see you, I must have called you like five times, why didn't you pick up the phone? I'm so pissed off at you, I drove to your apt and waited!"

Uuummm, WTF? This idiot was clearly playing with a whole different set of cards. I had to change my phone number about a week later.

Yup, sooner or later the crazy just comes out!

Derek Jeter is such a Stalker

Okay, I was out with my girlfriends on Thursday night and who happened to show up, again? None other than my infamous stalker...Derek Jeter. This is the second time he's followed me around the city to see what I'm doing and who I'm talking to. He's a bit of a jealous nut. He is so coy, the way he pretends not to know who I am. And he can't get over the fact that I'm in love with the bodyguard who's there to keep the other girls away from him.

He's obsessed, I may have to get a restraining order.

7 Messages from Jack The Psycho

Remember that scene in the movie Swingers with Jon Favreau leaving ridiculous messages on the girls answering machine? Yea, I totally gave that psycho my number. His name was Jack, and actually we never even went out on a date, I met him at a club and we exchanged numbers. Well, that Monday night I came home to about 7 messages on my machine… all from Jack.

And it started something like this….. “Hi this is Jack, we met on Saturday night and I just wanted to call you and say hi and chat, maybe we can go out for dinner, I know a great place that just opened up and I'd love to take you there. Give me a call and hopefully we can get to know each other.”

2nd Message, about 30 minutes later…. “Hi, it’s Jack again, just checking to see if you’re around, give me a call when you get home, would love to talk to you.”

3rd Message…. “Hi it’s Jack. My friend just came over and we’re cooking some food, I wanted to invite you over for some home cooking, and we can hang out. Okay call me when you get a chance.”

4th Message... “Hi, this is Jack’s friend, Tony, I came over to Jack’s and he’s cooking some dinner and, if you’re around you should come over and join us. Jack is a great guy, you guys should talk. So when you get home, give Jack a call, okay bye.” (with Jack in the background shouting 'call me')

5th message... “Hey, me jack again - my friend left, but if you still want to come over, I have a bottle of wine, umm okay well just call me back.”

6th.... “hey, so I don’t know if you are ignoring me or if you are really busy, but just checking in. ok, call me.”

7th..... “I’m going to bed now and wanted to tell you to ‘go fuck yourself’ and don’t bother calling me!”


Yes girls, all these messages in the course of about 5 hours --- Painful, but true.

WTF - Caller of the Day

I met Peter in a bar a few weeks ago, very brief conversation, he was cute and we exchanged email addresses. And then shortly afterwards, we went on a date. About 5 minutes into our date, I detected a 'red alert' on my 'this guys is crazy' radar. So needless to say, I laughed at his jokes, so that he wouldn't cut my head off and shove me in his trunk, and called it a night - making sure never to call him again . The next week or so, I received about three emails, two texts, two voicemails, and a couple of 'private' numbers on my cell. I just ignored him, as I usually tend to do, until they just get tired and give up.

However, this one went a little bit farther than the usual crazies. I get a phone call this morning - at 5 am- and it's him, Peter. I wanted to tell him off, but I didn't answer it. I later listened to his voicemail and was actually dumbfounded by the clarity of his craziness -- his message was this:

"hi, this is peter, we went out a couple weeks ago and you haven't returned my calls, we had a good time, you giggled...anyway, it's like about 5am and I'm sorry for calling so early, I guess you'll be waking up in an hour or so.....um, just wanted to say that you should have called me back 'cuz you missed out on a really great guy. I met a girl off match and we had sex yesterday, and I didn't think it was appropriate to go out with you again. Just wanted to say you missed out on the 'f*ck' of your life! And...um, have a good start to your week and a great day! And if you ever wanna have a good rock in the hey...well gimme a call sometime 'cuz I'll rock your world! And I know you'll like it -- Ciao"


Okay, WTF??? My radar is always right.

Sooner or later, the crazy just comes out.

(The actual audio will soon be posted and you can all hear it for yourselves!!)